2008 Woodie Awards
Slithy Toves
Oh, Captain
by Liat Faver
Issue date: 1/28/08 Section: Opinion
Houston, we have a problem. There's no one behind the wheel. No sign of intelligent life, that is. How can we address world issues when getting from point A to point B is hazardous to our health? I'm talking about driving, and more specifically, the serious consequences of not driving consciously. People appear to be completely unaware that they are operating machines that weigh an excess of 2,000 pounds. These large metal objects move forward and backward at speeds approaching the unnatural, and the folks operating them don't seem to know this.
I've heard that Florida drivers are the worst, and that was always the case when I was in Florida. But right here in Demorest, I've seen some of the worst examples of bad driving I have ever encountered.
To begin with, what kind of person drives behind someone with their bright lights on? I have recently discovered there is no law against this. And what about sirens? It's the law that you pull your car over to the side to let an emergency vehicle pass. I do not think anyone knows about this law.
There are drivers' education classes in some places, and that seems like a good idea. I wonder how much money we could save if the insurance companies offered incentives for educated drivers. We all have taken and passed a drivers' exam. We're road tested and then we take the multiple choice test. I took my road test when I was 16. We were in a horse-drawn carriage. I never had to parallel park. Horses have been trained to do that now.
Driving by the rules is pretty simple. Stop. Go. Don't pass go or you'll be fined $200. Don't drink and drive unless the bottle you are drinking from has a screw-on cap. Don't shoot other travelers, no matter how much they irritate you. Don't drive alone in the HOV lane without a blow-up doll in the passenger seat. Apply eye makeup at stoplights. Saying the first thing that pops into your head to an officer if you get pulled over may result in death, or at least being naked when you least expect it. Habersham County is renowned for defrocking people on the roadside.
If you keep these things in mind while you are performing the demanding task of driving, you'll be safer. How many of you know who goes first when four people arrive at a four-way stop simultaneously? According to the driver's manual, the driver on the left yields to the driver on the right. How's that for vague? And are you aware that it is illegal in the state of North Carolina to sing off-key in your car?
I hope we can all sleep easier with these safety tips. Remember, the life you save could be mine.
I've heard that Florida drivers are the worst, and that was always the case when I was in Florida. But right here in Demorest, I've seen some of the worst examples of bad driving I have ever encountered.
To begin with, what kind of person drives behind someone with their bright lights on? I have recently discovered there is no law against this. And what about sirens? It's the law that you pull your car over to the side to let an emergency vehicle pass. I do not think anyone knows about this law.
There are drivers' education classes in some places, and that seems like a good idea. I wonder how much money we could save if the insurance companies offered incentives for educated drivers. We all have taken and passed a drivers' exam. We're road tested and then we take the multiple choice test. I took my road test when I was 16. We were in a horse-drawn carriage. I never had to parallel park. Horses have been trained to do that now.
Driving by the rules is pretty simple. Stop. Go. Don't pass go or you'll be fined $200. Don't drink and drive unless the bottle you are drinking from has a screw-on cap. Don't shoot other travelers, no matter how much they irritate you. Don't drive alone in the HOV lane without a blow-up doll in the passenger seat. Apply eye makeup at stoplights. Saying the first thing that pops into your head to an officer if you get pulled over may result in death, or at least being naked when you least expect it. Habersham County is renowned for defrocking people on the roadside.
If you keep these things in mind while you are performing the demanding task of driving, you'll be safer. How many of you know who goes first when four people arrive at a four-way stop simultaneously? According to the driver's manual, the driver on the left yields to the driver on the right. How's that for vague? And are you aware that it is illegal in the state of North Carolina to sing off-key in your car?
I hope we can all sleep easier with these safety tips. Remember, the life you save could be mine.
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